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How was your holiday weekend? Mind was so amazing. I cooked, ate, saw two movies (Ninja assasins, and 2012) and the most important thing I did was spend so much time with family and friends. I had a great time, and I hope you did too. But this weekend was not just about having fun, it was also about learning a valuable lesson. I have a friend Maria (her names been changed) who I’ve known forever. She’s someone that I don’t see often, but I tend to communicate a lot with through e-mail. Anyway, yesterday was a glorious day in the city so I decided to spend some time with her. We met at the Starbucks across the street from my apartment, and from the moment I saw her, I felt some vibes-and they weren’t good ones. The first thing she did was stare me up and down, comment that I’d gained some weight, and asked me when I was going to dye my hair. (How’s that for a greeting? ) I was a little put off but she’s a friend (or so I thought) and I let it go. But, after I ordered my 5 pump chai, soy latte, and I actually sat down with her, and started to ask her what was going on with her life, and all she kept doing was making weird remarks to me such as “How can you afford your apartment?” What do you plan to do with your life if your dream doesn’t come true? You wasted so much money on your degree and you’re not doing anything with it.” I started realizing something wasn't right.
After being with this girl for 20 minutes, my positive energy began to wane, and I felt almost as if I was being sucked in by so much negative energy that I couldn’t breath, and positive DE all of a sudden became negative De. Instead of smiling, I was frowning, and feeling angry, and started questioning myself and just getting annoyed.
Luckily, I realized what was happening, and quickly excused myself and went home. As I walked back home, I thought back to our friendship and realized that it had always been me who had been positive around Maria. It was always me, who had encouraged her, and been happy for her, and she had always been my biggest naysayer. At the time, I had said that maybe it was her just trying to be realistic, but it wasn’t. It was her always being so darn negative. I also realized that when I saw her, she had not said one nice thing to me, and even in the past every time I had seen her, she hadn’t said a nice thing to me either. She was always so negative. So last night, I did something I rarely do. I deleted her # out of my phone book, and out of my life. Negative people are toxic. When you start listening them too much, they can truly take over your spirit, and you can become negative as well, no matter how positive you are. Misery loves Company, always remember that. When someone is too negative, realize it, and wish them the best but move on with your own life and eliminate them from yours. It’s important not only for your success but also for your health. After I deleted her number from my phone, a sudden feeling of calmness and relief came over me, and it was then that I knew I had made the right decision.
What are some experiences you have with negative people?
Did you eliminate them from your life?
Hugs,
DE
12 comments:
I totally understand this!!! You have those ppl who are negative because of their own insecurities and self esteem issues...but this girl needs Jesus!!
Your friend was very negative and you did the right thing. I have done the same thing on several occasions. I moved to another area with 2 kids to obtain my degree and one of my friends told me that I was going to fall on my face and would never finish. I finished in 3 years and earned a BS and MS within that period. When I finished she told me that I would not find a job. That is when I decided the friendship had to end. I have learned that everyone that you meet or are friends with is not meant to be your "friend" forever. While my friend was toxic her words did help me to keep pushing to prove her wrong. I think everyone has their purpose. Hugs!!
Yeah, I totally hear you. I love how you always inject these great "life lessons" posts in between your beauty posts. LOVES
On another note, how was Ninja Assassin? I'm debating on whether or not to go see it.
I'm glad you recognized her toxic behavior and cut her out =)
It's called self preservation! I am a true believer in cutting out the negativity...job, friends or family and free yourself! I thought I had a BFF that turned out to be a fair-weather friend that was fine if the attention was on her. So after she did not attend my bridal shower or my wedding I cut her out of my life. She claimed she was offended that she was not in my wedding! So after a 23 year friendship, I let her go. It's bible tight that people are in your life for a season...and baby, the seasons have officially changed! Smooches! Thanks for the post!
Hi DE! I know it's been a long time since I put a comment up but I HAD to for this one..you were so dead on and I have been in a similar situation. Mostly involving having friends that never ever said nice things to me even when I shared good things with them. I didn't know if it was because I shouldn't be sharing good news but then to think of it that is what friends do! They share with each other the good and the bad and if they were to tell me anything great going on w. their life I would be so happy and cheer them on.
There was another incident where a friend who I thought was a 'best friend' criticized me publicly and although I moved on I never forgot and I distanced myself from her a lot. Things you have to do sometimes.
that is too bad of 'maria' to be that way with you, she will be missing out on a great person :D
Glad you did what you did!
XOXO
BonafideLatina
In my case my Father is the negative nelly. Any dream I ever had that did not coincide with his, is destroyed with his so called helpful commentary. Any decision I make without his input he finds a way to negate and point out all the things that go wrong working in the fact that if I had listened to him none of this would have happened.
I wish I could cut him out of my life but he is my Father, issues and all. I try so hard to guard against his negativity but I feel myself becoming bitter and self deprecating much like he is.
@kinky kandanke go see it. it's a little graphic but amazing
Good riddance. It's not always easy to cut negative people out of your life, but once you do what a relief. Negative/jealous people can suck the life out of you. You are successful and beautiful and (insert only positive comments here), etc. etc.
holy smokes I can relate to this alot!I never understood these kind of people.Usually i had family members like that and I would tolerate them but now I'm starting to ignore their negativity,and it feels great!Good post! =)
I am dealing with a "friend" right now that is very negative. She has some good qualities but her bad definitely out weighs the good which has caused me to distance myself-i understand your decision.
I can honestly say that I've been on your blog on and off ALL DAY, I can't help but to read your life advice posts. I feel so much better!!!
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