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Tomorrow is truly a bittersweet day for me. Two years tomorrow, I married my husband. You can read that post here. One year tomorrow, I lost the person that meant the absolute world to me, my beautiful abuela (grandmother). The month she passed, I had been so busy. I had booked a few segments and was really working my butt off. I was too busy to call her. Too busy to visit. But, in my mind, I knew my grandmother would always be around. Sure, she was in her 80's, but she was a strong woman. Yes, she was battling asthma and now had to move around with oxygen tanks attached to her because it was that bad, but she'd always beaten the odds. That woman was as strong as an ox. (You have to be one strong woman to raise 17 kids.) So when I got the call a year ago tomorrow, at around 2:30am that she was back in the hospital, I knew she'd be fine. I knew that she'd come out of it, like she always did. Since I didn't have a sitter for the middle of the night, I figured I would stop by the hospital the next day and give her a big kiss and comb her hair. She always had a comb on hand no matter where she was, even in the hospital, she insisted on always looking her best. I told myself again, she'd be fine in no time and I promised that this time, I'd definitely start visiting her more, and doing her nails (she loved when I painted her nails purple). At around 6am in the morning, my mother called me, "It's bad, come say goodbye. " Can you believe I still wasn't that scared? That's how strong my grandmother was. She'd always pull through. But, unfortunately it didn't work out that way. I took a cab to the hospital. When I walked into the waiting room, I saw my cousins, aunts, siblings, many of them on the floor screaming and sobbing. It was then that I knew. My heart hit the floor.
All I remember was falling, and thinking to myself, Why the heck didn't I come see her more? Why the heck didn't I call her ? Why the heck didn't I tell her how much I loved her? Why didn't I ever tell her how much she meant to me??????
I still live with that regret much every day. I wish I could have told her how much she meant to me while she was still here. I would have told her, "thank you abuela for teaching me to be a kind person. For teaching me that being beautiful on the outside is important, but being beautiful on the inside is so much more important. Thank you for teaching me the importance of giving to others. But most of all grandma, thank you for showing me what unconditional love is."
If you are fortunate enough to have any of your grandparents or parents alive, make sure you constantly tell them how much they mean to you, how much you love them, and make time for them no matter what is going on in your life.
Believe me, living with this kind of regret isn't easy.
Hugs,
Milly
13 comments:
Milly, your experience with your grandmother sounds similar to mine. I was away at college while her health problems were taking their toll (she eventually passed during my Junior year), but I wished that I had made it a priority to spend more time with her and take more pictures of the two of us. It took me years to feel better about it. But, on the plus side, I know she doesn't resent me, and that she doesn't want me to be sad or feel guilty. I'm also sure that she would want me to celebrate her life each year on the anniversary of her death, instead of being sad that she's gone, because truthfully, the only people I'd be sad for is me and my family because we miss her. I have to remind myself that there's no reason to be sad for someone who is in a better place. So tomorrow, take peace in knowing that your abuela is happy, healthy, and still with you all. She's not sad, so I'm sure she doesn't want any of you all to be, either.
I can relate to this post I don't have any sister but I had an elder cousin she was more than a sister to me she always loved and supported me.Whan I got admission in university I got very busy with my assignments and practicals I didn't have time to call her or visit her she used to call me and told me we should go on a family picnic but I always said no because I was busy one sunday she said she will come at noon and pick all of us and we will go by river side honestly I was very tired I felt a bit irritated and I told her I have to work on my assignments that was the last time I heard her voice in the evening one of my cousin called and told me she had a road accident and she died on the spot .Miley I feel so guilty now she was my sister she wanted to spend some time with me but I gave preference to my studies over her and now she is gone forever I should have taken sometime out to spend with her she was only 30 years old no one could ever imagine she would leave us so soon . It's been 2 years now but I can't get over this guilt.I have learned this lesson the hard way no matter how busy we are our loved ones come first we should always take out some time to spend with them otherwise we will regret those moments .
@cocoa thanks Cocoa, Your words means so much. sending hugs and love to you.
Awwww Milly thank you for sharing such a heartfelt personal story with us. I am SURE that your abuela knew how much you loved her...they just know! I don't think you have to worry about that. You def give some great advice to not wait to give roses when it's too late. I know a lot of us that can use that advise. Happy Anniversary but also know that your abuela lived a great long life with lots of love :) xoxo
I've actually got chill bumps after reading this post. I too had a tough as nails Granny, who passed away 8 years ago Mothers Day, and I still tear up everytime I think about how I wish I had told her "I love you" more. I have no grandparents living, but am trying to instill in my 3 children how important my parents and my hubby's parents are to them. Kids sometimes take their grandparents for granted, I was guilty of it, and it's one of those life lessons you don't realize until you get older how much they can positively influence your life with the wisdom they carry. Thank you for sharing your story with us Milly. So sorry for your loss of your grandmother, but now you have a real life angel watching over you.
"Give me my roses while I can smell them." My Mother always says that! I make it a goal to try and do so as often as possible. I've always said, when money permits I want to be able to send her flowers monthly!
Let's continue to celebrate our loved ones daily!
I pray that God gives my Milly continued strength and peace that surpasses all understanding! You were loved and your Grandmother experienced the exact amount of love and kindness that she was supposed to while here on earth.
Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!
Queen
@sataa I'm so sorry for your loss hon. Sending hugs and love to you.
@bonafidelatina thanks hon
@jennysue Thanks Jenny, I truly believe she is watching me. I will do my best to make her proud.
@ronnique thanks hon, your prayers mean the world to me.
Awwww, don't worry sweetheart, she can hear you, she knows your regrets and I'm sure she forgives you. <3 She was a beautiful woman.
So Sorry to hear about your loss, Milly. Your grandma sounds like an awesome woman!
I understand, in fact my Grandma was a fan of painted nails as well. I lost her this Jan and it has been tough, though unlike you my grandma won't get to see me married. That will always stick with me.
I know you feel regret but grandparents are special people, they know you loved and cared for them. Each opportunity you got your grandma's smile got bigger and bigger!
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