Therapy Thurday: Couples Therapy

So you girls know, I'm a little addicted to reality shows. Recently, I've been hooked on Couples Therapy, a show that airs on VH1 and features couples whose relationships are breaking apart. You may know a few of the people on this show like Angelina from the Jersey Shore and her boyfriend, Hulk Hogan's ex wife and her new man, and then there's rapper DMX and his wife Tashara. This couple is the one that really saddens me. It's so obvious that she wants this relationship much more than he does. He admits he cheats. He admits he never wanted to marry her. He admits that he likes cheating, and sadly he admits that he really doesn't want to change. Now, many people I know seem to have lost faith in relationships in general. But, not me. Most of my family members have been married for years. Both sets of my grandparents were married over 50 years (until one of them died). Marriages/relationships can work (if both parties want them to). Now I'm no expert (I've only been married coming on two years) but here are some things that I learned from watching as well as getting tips from my happily married family members.

1) Communicate-Many women seem to think that men can automatically read their minds if they are upset. Not so, men think totally different from you. Totally!! Believe me, sometimes when I'm pissed at Mr. Milly, and I think he should automatically know why, when I finally confront him, he really has no idea. It's important you guys communicate often. Don't automatically assume that he knows what's wrong because most of the time he does not.

2) Intimacy-A lot of my family members read my blog so I don't want to get too explicit, but intimacy in a marriage/relationship is so important. If you start noticing that action in the bedroom has decreased, something may be wrong, and not just in your relationship, but maybe in his life. If men are stressed, many times they won't be able to perform. And girls, because you know I keep it real, make sure you are kegeling. That's super important too. After a certain age, giving birth to children, not exercising, the muscle down there can become super weak, even loose, and intimacy for both you and him can become a chore. (They feel the difference.) Tighten it up with kegels and a kegel device. My OB/GYN tells me that kegeling by itself is not that effective. Better to get a device to help. Email me if you want the name of the one he recommended. Click below to read more. 

3) Don't Sweat The Small Stuff-If you constantly stress every little thing that he or she does wrong, you're heading downhill. I've learned a long time ago that sometimes it's better to let things go. For example, Mr. Milly has a habit of taking out the new toilet paper and never putting it on the roll. He'll leave it right on top of the toilet paper holder.  Before it used to irk me, and my mom caught me screaming about it one day. Right away she pulled me aside and said "are you really pissed about that? Just put it on the roll, what's the big deal?" Don't sweat small things, there are way bigger things to argue about.

4)Remember You-I know a lot of women that are really devoted to their marriage and their children, and that's it. They have no lives of their own, no friendships, nothing going on outside of their marriage and children. I'm all for loving and being devoted to our family, but remember, you should have a life outside of that too. You should remember that before you had children and a husband, you had you. My grandmothers both had their own lives, and so does my mom. And they always encouraged me to have mine too and believe me, I do. And it definitely contributes to an interesting marriage

5) Smile-It may be common sense, but a lot of times we forget to smile at our spouses/partners. They come home, we greet them quickly, and keep it moving. One thing I noticed growing up, was my grandmothers always had a smile for my grandfathers when they walked in the house. A smile can instantly transform someones day.

6) Respect-One thing I noticed about my grandfathers is the amount of respect they had for my grandmothers. They would never talk to my grandmothers the way DMX talks to his wife. In fact they treated my grandmothers like Queens! Why? Because they knew my grandmothers demanded respect and would take nothing less. When I hear couples cursing at each other and disrespecting each other, I know right away their marriage/relationship is in trouble because the respect  is not there. If a man starts to feel like he can curse you out, and disrespect you, believe me, he will have no problems disrespecting you in other ways. My grandmother would always tell me, "A man will only treat you the way you allow him to." And that's true. Remember that.

Since this is pretty long, I'll do Part 2 next week.

Do you have any relationship tips?

Hugs,


Milly